


One For My Lover

by sweetbabydean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, POV Second Person, Sad Ending, i didn't choose a rating because i didn't know what it should be rated., may be triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-28 23:54:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2751854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetbabydean/pseuds/sweetbabydean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternate universe where Jess doesn't die. But someone else does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One For My Lover

You're fourteen when you first realize that it's him; of course it's him. You'd always wondered how at fourteen, Dean wasn't even a virgin and here you are, not even remotely interested in looking at girls. But right here, staring at green eyes in an open field while you're receiving shooting lessons, you get it. There aren't any girls because there's Dean and you love him. You're in love with him and there's never going to be anyone else.

~

It's a month or two after that when you find out that he feels the same. He's got you pinned to the floor, sparring forgotten the moment his lips meet yours. You keen softly, because not only is he your first kiss but he's your first love and your brain could never come up with anything near as good as this. The look in his eyes when he pulls back tells you he feels wrong, words tell you he's sorry, that he didn't mean it. You don't want to hear a word of it though, because you're pulling him down again and speaking soft and sweet in his ear.

"Want this, De. Want you."

His eyes once again speak for him; you know you'll have to talk about this later. But he's kissing you again and that's all you need right now to make your world go 'round.

~

Fifteen and two weeks shy of sixteen is when Dean takes your virginity. Dad takes off on a long hunt and each call from him is a week's delay in his return. That's alright by you though, because your big, gorgeous, sex-on-legs brother gets you spread out on every surface of the hotel room. He learns your body inside and out. And though he can make you scream with a touch of his hands, the grace of his mouth, you're finally going to get what you want: every inch of him inside of you where you feel you need him the most.

His mouth is filthy when he finally enters you. "God, Sammy. So perfect on my cock, fucking tight. So fucking tight. Wanna see you fall apart on it. Fill you up and mark you from the inside. Would ya like tha'? Huh, Sammy?"

He makes you come three times while he's inside you before he even comes once. Your body can't resist that mouth, not when he talks like that. And when he finally spills, it's with a grunt of your name and if you weren't so sated, you know you would have come again.  
He tells you he loves you and you say it back. It's true to the bone, you love that green-eyed man and the whole world knows he loves you too.

~

You're seventeen when he starts drifting away. You spend more and more nights alone, wishing he'd come home and love you again. And one particular night, you tell him so. You get down on your knees in front of him and tell him how you'll be good for him. Because you need him like you need air, food and water.

"I'll do anything, Dean. Fuck, I'll do anything. I can be so much better than those girls, you know that. Just please."

He looks at you with sad eyes, a face that tells you more than his words ever could. His eyes say that he's not after anyone else, but that he thinks he's hindering you. But still he says it, his look changing from sadness to awe as he drops to his knees with you, kissing your face with soft lips.

"Never gonna be anyone else, Sammy."

And you believe him.

~

You're eighteen and you're leaving. You can't stand to be here another minute. You hate this life and you hate your father and Stanford is yours and Dean's one-way ticket out of here. Only he finds the letter before you can explain it all and he's angry. Dean won't listen, but he won't yell either. He tells you he's happy for you, hopes that you'll have a good life out there. There's nothing you can do to make him see that you want him there with you, that it's not a life if he's not by your side. But you know he won't come, so two days later when you board that bus, you cry your eyes out for a freckled and green-eyed love lost.

~

You meet Jessica Moore during your sophomore year. She's pretty, headstrong and genuine. You fall in like, not in love, with her quickly. Your love has only ever belonged to one man, as you fear it always will. But Jess is someone that you think you can spend your life with because she's not Dean, but she's all you got, and that's okay. You're a Winchester, you'll survive.

~

Sometimes there's a drunk voicemail on your phone. You know who it's from just by the voice. There doesn't have to be a name or a number, you know he wouldn't leave one anyway. But God, you miss him; you miss him so much. And that beautiful, country and honey-slick, whiskey thick voice flowing through the speaker is enough to calm your aching heart. You'll take what you can have of Dean. Because you love him and no matter how hard you try, there will never be anyone else.

~

You're going for a meeting to discuss law school. You've done four years of pre-law and you're up for a full ride to actual law. But there's a phone call the Friday before your meeting that sets your whole life topsy-turvy. It comes in the middle of the night, waking you and Jess from your sleep. It's from Dean's number and your heart aches as you rush to answer it.

"Dean?" You rush out, waiting for that beautiful voice to enter your ears.

"Is this a Sam Winchester? Brother of Dean Winchester?"

You already know it's bad news and you're in tears before the lady on the other end even finishes her lines. The minute she gets to the point, you're wailing, heart aching for a brother that's no longer there. She goes on about how you need to come claim the body, how they can't get ahold of your father. Jess is there to comfort you, always there, solid like a rock. But you don't want her, not right now. You want strong arms and green eyes and freckles to match the stars in the sky.  
But Dean is dead.

~

The meeting's been rescheduled, due to obvious reasons. The funeral is non-existent. You've decided to cremate him; his body had been mangled and hardly recognizable when you'd claimed him. And Dean was a hunter. Cremation seemed like the closest thing to a hunter's burial that you could have given him.  
You're crying so hard you can't see, full blown wails that sound like everything hurtful. The urn is a constant presence between your thighs as you shake with pain. Your brother is gone and you're here alone. How are you ever going to survive? Memories of green eyes and big smiles are never going to be enough to replace who you've lost.

"Sam," Jess says, concern and love in her eyes.

You turn away from her, not wanting to see it. And you cry harder because the love of your life isn't the woman standing beside you, but the ashes in the beautiful urn tucked between your thighs. The love of your life is gone forever. 

~

You'll go on loving Jess because she deserves it. She's all a man could dream of, has never left your side. But you won't ever be in love with her, because she won't ever be Dean. And you know, it's always been Dean, and your heart will never be for anyone else but Dean.


End file.
